Soooo much better

Well, I think that post-birth hormones, sleepless nights, being homebound and out of a routine and not knowing what the hell you're doing are the perfect storm that result in a generally anxious, unhappy person. The good news is, about 6 weeks into this journey, all three of those things simultaneously got better.

Cassidy started sleeping with something of a predictable schedule. My emotions seemed to calm down rather suddenly. I became comfortable leaving the house with a baby. I went back to work. And I kind of figured out what I'm doing.

I can now imagine having another child. That is a huge relief to me.

For that first month and a half, I felt like I was stuck inside a garbage bag. Some days I felt like I was clawing to get out and other days like I'd resigned myself to being stuck in a Hefty Cinch Sack for the rest of my days. But finally, at almost exactly 6 weeks, it was as if someone opened the top of the bag and light flooded in and I got a big giant breath of cool, fresh air and stretched my limbs.

I enjoy her so much now. Even when she isn't happy, it's no big deal. I usually know how to fix it and if I don't, she chills out eventually. I have gotten to be ok with holding/cuddling a crying baby and kind of half ignoring the crying. Also, she makes me laugh a lot. We laugh together (Kevin and me) about her a lot which is really fun.

Being away from her is a little bit tough, but I just love picking her up or coming home to her. I feel, when I'm driving to pick her up or driving home to see her, kind of like I did when Kevin and I were dating and I'd get annoyed with traffic on the way to his house because I was so anxious to see him.

One thing that really helps is that she very consistently will go to sleep around 7:45pm and that allows us to have our usual routine of 8pm dinner and hang out/chat/read/blog/watch tv from about 8:30 until bedtime. I really need that time to unwind. I got to bed earlier (because I get up earlier with her) so I am really glad to know at least approximately when the "on duty" sign goes off. You know? It is really good for both of us to have that time to catch up and relax a little bit. Plus, I can go to bed at 10 or so and I know I don't have to get up until 5 at the very earliest (usually more like 5:30) and even if she wakes up then, a quick re-inserting of the binkie can usually buy me another 15 minutes, and that can usually happen 3-4 times until she gets sick of playing that game. Around 6:30 or so, I bring her into our bed and kind of just cuddle with her and maybe half-sleep if she's really mellow. But I honestly don't actually get up with her until around 7am - for an 8 week old, that's pretty darned good.