More room for my kid at Harvard

So I've been reading this book - I'm only about 30 pages in - called Bad Mother. And it's brought up some interesting ideas. Namely how we, as women and particularly as mothers, judge each other. THere was this whole feminist theory a while back about how the whole judgement toward mamas came out of some push from those in power to distract us from the "real" problems...we spend time sniping at each other and gossiping to each other about who lets their child use a binkie while President Bush sent many thousands of young people to die in Iraq for what many consider to be no good reason.

But, seemingly, it's not really about that. I mean, that totally happens - but it's not George Bush or the Republicans that are to blame for this one. It's women. It's us.

Who did this to us? Who made us all holier than thou...thou being the slutty-loking lady in the Walmart yapping on her cell phone while ignoring her two year old who is wearing nothing but a diaper and scooting around on the floor with a half eaten candy bar in his hand? Oooh, see, right there? I'm doing it! But I can't help it!!!

We all feel superior to that woman - so that makes it seem ok, right? But should we? I don't know!! It's like we make being a good mom impossible. We either are condemned by someone for not breastfeeding or for breastfeeding our child until said child is 5 years old and able to lift up our shirt, unfurl our bosom and help themselves while reciting several states and capitals while he or she is at it. You can't win. Really - you can't. You can't win and you can't please everyone. In fact, I am starting to think you can't please much of anyone.

Attachment parenting vs scheduling parenting, cry-it-out vs...whatever you call it when you do everything you can to prevent your baby from crying. Breastfeeding vs bottle feeding. Baby wearing vs "crib dwelling", schedule feeding vs demand feeding, vaccines vs no vaccines vs delayed vaccines.

The thing is...I have feelings and thoughts and opinions on all of these issues. Most of them, fairly well researched. And honestly, there is merit to both sides in most if not every single one of these issues, in my opinion. That is why they are controversial. Each side feels soooo strongly - I had no idea what I was getting into. It's like going to a Roe-vs-Wade themed debate every day when you get on the Internet or just tell someone in passing that you're pregnant/have a baby.

People like to share their views. And a fairly significant portion of that view sharing poulation isn't satisfied to just share....they want to over-share, plus convince, persuade, guilt, manipulate, strong arm and coerce you over to their side. I think one conclusion I'm coming to in all of this is that I want to continue to advocate that people EDUCATE themselves. An uneducated parent is well, probably not the best they could be. I think it's fair to just encourage people to seek factual, balanced information on these topics. And I think if someone asks your opinion, awesome - share away. But as for me, I really want to try to stop the mommy-bashing. For a variety of reasons.

The question is...why do we care so much about what other people do with their kids? (I actually think I know the answer to this - mostly we just enjoy feeling like something besides the worst mother on the block.) On the one hand, it's just mean and rude to assume you (I) know soooo much better than someone else.

Secondly, the mistakes of that other parent can actually work to your advantage. I mean, one way of looking at it is to say "ha - you do that crazy (enter one side of some controversial parenting issue that you disagree with) - well, your kid will be the one in jail/insane asylum/living with you when she's 40 - hey, the crazier your kid is, the more opportunities to excel my kid will have. I've decided - I'll probably totally go back on this within the next 17 minutes and gossip to my husband or mother about something I saw someone doing that I disagree with - that this is going to be my attitude. More room for my kid at Harvard.